Death Note: Date
by TheContheDistance
Summary: Attempted Humor. Interviews, Three Blind Mice, apples, nicknames, lost wallets and death threats. All's in a day's work for a God. Rated T for cussing, stupidity and randomness. Contains an OC.


**So here's the Death Note one-shot I've been promising! About time too, right? Sorry about that. **

**So, read, review and enjoy! (hopefully you'll have a laugh or two)**

**-TheContheDistance**

**I solemnly swear I don't own anything to do with the manga/anime, _Death Note_**.

* * *

The three men sat in inquisitive silence- well, _two_ of the men sat in inquisitive silence from opposite sides of the room while the third was stuttering and fidgeting nervously. The nervous one pulled at his collar anxiously and didn't dare break the silence permeating the room. The older man sneezed discreetly, successfully breaking any kind of dramatic tension.

Matsuda jumped when there was a loud knock at the door. They could hear loud whistling coming from the other side. Both dark-haired men stared.

"'Three Blind Mice'."

"Huh?"

L glanced at him before turning back to the door.

"Ryuuzaki?" the older man asked swiftly.

"Watari, please let her in."

The elderly man quickly peeked through the peephole before opening the door. A girl about the age of 18 walked through the doorway. She stood before them, still whistling loudly, hands buried into the pockets of her hooded jacket. She was grinning mockingly, the aviator glasses she had reflecting the light from the computer screens.

"O-Oh, it's good to see you again!" Matsuda smiled at the black-haired girl.

"Good to be back," she replied evenly, "So what am I here for again?"

Matsuda laughed nervously and turned to L. He gave a sheepish smile and shrugged. The detective gave no response to him, but inserted a thumb in his mouth.

"Um, Ryuuzaki, this is Ka-"

"You still haven't seen 'The Mouse Trap', have you, Uncle?" the girl paused long enough for Matsuda to shake his head, "It would help you brush up on your detective skills, you know. If you've seen the play then you'll know that the most suspicious suspect is the detective investigating him."

Matsuda raised his eyebrows.

"… Meaning that giving a detective, that could be Kira, my real name, could quite possibly kill me," she smiled again.

The corners of L's mouth twitched. So she had already discovered some of the same specifics the Investigation Team had. She was also quick enough to suspect him from the beginning. Still, something about her didn't sit well with him. It made him uneasy. He glanced to Watari, who nodded. L looked back at Matsuda's 'niece'.

"Please take off your sunglasses, 'Ka'-san."

"You can call me 'Ren', for now. And your name?" she laughed, before taking off the aviators. Unlike Matsuda, her eyes were as empty and cold as stone. She seemed to have a distinctly sardonic and cold feel to her, something that made Watari and L wary. Their eyes met briefly before the detective reached for a plate of dessert.

"'Ryuuzaki'."

He popped a strawberry into his mouth.

"So this Kira investigation… why are you the head of it? You don't seem particularly intelligent, nor are you part of the police. And here you are, commanding seven or so men, in this hotel room, investigating a serial killer. A bit strange, huh?"

The grin on her face had to have been forced.

L frowned. How much did Matsuda reveal to her? Matsuda tried to cough politely into his sleeve. The detective ignored this and trained his eyes on this girl. Clearly she knew more than she was letting on…

"Yes, it would appear strange to some. However, Ren-san, your uncle…" Matsuda reddened at this, "has asked that you join the team investigating Kira. I'm willing to accept your help if you prove to be useful."

Ren remained smiling, but her expression became slightly malevolent and her body tensed.

"And how will you prove that, Ryuuzaki?" her voice lost its pleasant tone and her face fell into a grimace.

He leaned forward suddenly, his face too close for comfort. Ren tilted her head to the side and began to hum 'Three Blind Mice' again.

"Please stop that, you know how that creeps people out!" Matsuda snapped. Ren sighed to herself and shrugged. L frowned slightly, put off that he had been interrupted, _again_. It's seemed to happen whenever Light or Matsuda were around and now, 'Ren' as well.

"Fear is good for interrogation," she replied simply. She turned back to L and grinned again.

"So you don't like to be interrupted then?" she asked quickly. He noticed her eyes lit up, and then it became clear to him: she treated people as games. She enjoyed analyzing others and reading their weaknesses. How unfortunate, she would be useful after all.

Very well, he would give her the satisfaction of answering. He would give her just enough satisfaction from her little 'games' so she would cooperate fully.

"Yes."

Ren's grin widened. L raised his eyebrows. He was going to have to be careful, it was a risk meeting her to begin with. Unfortunately, he had decided long before scheduling the meeting to add her to the Investigation Team. Matsuda said that he could keep a close eye on her... but Matsuda was Mastuda…

He sighed quietly and settled himself back on his swivel chair. He looked serious now. A girl like this in the Investigation… despite the consequences… she was useful. He nibbled on his thumb.

"Watari, please take Matsuda-san to the other room, I'll need to talk to Ren-san alone."

If he saw her scowl momentarily he didn't mention it. L settled his hands on his knees and leaned forward.

"Tell me what you know about Kira."

_The way he's sitting…_ Ren raised one eyebrow at him. He was one strange detective. Well, quirks were good. She reminded herself that Ryuuzaki asked her a question. Her expression became solemn and she tugged at the hem of her hoody unconsciously.

"Matsuda did tell me about the Investigation Team. I know that you all have aliases, thus why I already gave myself one... Quite a few of your members are from the police, and I think it's two of them who have families. The final bit I know," she held up a third finger, "is that this team is in contact with L, one of the greatest detectives in the world."

L wiggled his toes. _I am __**the **__number one detective in the world_, he thought sourly.

"But I want to help your team. Even though I think L is interesting, and I want to work with him, that's not the entire reason why I want to help. Kira has a strong sense of justice, right? He believes that all criminals should be wiped off the face of the planet," Ren gestured airily before she stopped pacing to stare at L, "I feel the same way as Kira does. If Kira is destroyed, so will these ridiculous ideas in here." She pointed to her head.

L said nothing.

"So you see, it's more than doing good deeds and being honorable. It's for myself. So I decided I want to figure who he is, and catch him. You want to know what I figured out? Then you have to let me join the task force."

He had grabbed his plate of sweets during her rushed speech. He was now fiddling with the sprinkles on top of a blue cupcake. L ignored her gaze and sucked on his sugar coated thumb.

"I suppose you would be sufficient, but I would like to hear what you know first," he said quickly. His toes wiggled again.

Ren sighed, "Alright, alright… Ryuuzaki, are you nervous about something?"

"You're avoiding the question, Ren-san."

She scowled, it wasn't like he didn't avoid her questions either. In fact, he just did it! Again! Not to mention that stupid honorific...

"From what I saw, I can tell that Kira is childish and arrogant. The way he acts and speaks is proof. That is the most apparent thing. Kira is pessimistic but idealistic at the same time, not to mention that he's trying to mess around with the police with the way he's killing and when. The pattern was deaths only on weekends and evenings at first, then he changed it once he caught on that you guys figured it out. He has to be a high-school student if he's that childish. He thinks that the world is tainted and needs to be purified and is willing to kill to obtain that goal… He's someone who knows the world's cruelty. Think about it: someone destroying evil and cleansing the world of all its cruelty: that's true glory, and it's for the good of mankind."

L frowned. She was becoming more and more suspicious as she continued. She sounded more like a fan of Kira than someone willing to capture him. Was it possible she was actually Kira? No… she wasn't clever enough. Her analytical skills were impressive but unless she was hiding her true intelligence... No. But she could be the 2nd Kira…

"How can he really believe what he's doing is good? What personal grudge is he compensating for? This… all of this… Kira should kill himself if he were to kill all criminals," Ren clenched her fists, "Kira needs to be captured. What he is doing may be right in theory, but he's evil. I have to help."

L nodded as he inspected a cherry before dropping it into his mouth. Well that had lowered his suspicions somewhat. Now she was only 2%.

"And to be honest, I've seen some of the tapes," L frowned at this, "Only one, though I've heard about the other ones. When I called Matsuda, he told me a bit about the ones on Sakura TV."

"How did you see it?"

"I wasn't in Kantou, if that's what you're thinking. I was in living with a police family in America, and that's where I heard about the Kira case. I was able to sneak into a conference and see it. You can call my host family if you don't believe me. I have the paper here," she handed him a slip of paper.

"Oh."

She was full of excuses. L placed a thumb in his mouth, gently sucking any remainder of sugar left. The two sat in silence, both focused on the same thing. She looked at him uncertainly after a while.

"Ryuuzaki… the new messages he's sending… it doesn't sound like Kira at all. There could be another Kira working with him, but then the second wouldn't be acting like this. I suppose there could be an entire group of people backing Kira up…"

He was a little surprised by her tone of voice. Was it fear? Did she believe that they hadn't discovered this, that she had just given them valuable information?

L nodded, setting aside his plate. Her mouth twitched and she nodded back.

"Ren-san, I would like to extend an invitation to join the Kira Investigation Squad."

She smirked, "A little enthusiasm wouldn't have hurt."

The detective made an unintelligible grunt.

* * *

"Hey Light-kun, do you want to go get some tea with me?"

Light looked up from the computer screen with raised eyebrows. Ren was standing over him, grinning as she always did. He was certain it was a fake smile; it almost looked like a grimace. Aviators reflected the gloomy light from his computer screen. He could hear the music playing from her headphones; some weird heavy metal garbage.

"_What's up, criminals who are full of reasons for worry won't ever disappear  
What's up, full of reasons for anxiety (who falls down into the trap within grudges?)  
What's up, criminals who are full of reasons for worry won't ever disappear  
What's up, full of reasons for worry"_

He contemplated the advantages of this 'date'; after all she _was_ new to the Investigation Squad. Other than "Ryuuzaki" she was the most mysterious member of the team. All he knew was that she shared some connection to Matsuda. He didn't even know why L invited her (she wasn't even intelligent, he added scathingly). But she must have some extraordinary skill that made her a valuable asset or she wouldn't be here. Despite the risks, it was worth it.

"Sure."

...............................

She surprised him by changing her clothes when they met up during their lunch break. She was wearing another hoody with fur-lining on the head as well as a jean skirt and black tights. Ren was zipping up her jacket when Light waved to her.

"Hey Ren, ready to go?" he said casually.

"Mm. Totally," She slid on her dark aviators and gave him one of her grins. He managed to withhold a flinch and smiled painfully back. _That smile of hers… it's terrible._

"Want some, Light-kun?" Ren offered him an apple, "Are you okay?"

His face must have paled to make her look so concerned. But he was panicking for a reason! Of course she had an apple! Of course Ryuk loved _apples_! Of course Ryuk hadn't had any apples that day. This was just great. The stupid fruit, the stupid girl with the stupid connections to L, the stupid Shinigami!

She quirked a delicate brow.

"Come on, Light! She's offering the apple! Just give it to me, okay?!" Ryuk rasped behind him.

"No. It's okay," he said tersely, glaring out of the corner of his eye at Ryuk, who was still jumping up and down.

"You sure?" she waved the apple in front of him before tossing it in the air and catching it repeatedly.

Ryuk jumped up in the air and opened his mouth to get the red fruit. Light quickly beat the Shinigami to it and snatched the apple from the air.

"Uh, thanks!" he quickly took a bite. Light ignored Ren's confusion, it was bad enough that Ryuk nearly blew his cover. He was definitely going to pay for that later.

She shrugged and stopped in front of a small, quaint shop. The outside was painted a light yellow, the name of the café written in blank calligraphy.

"So… here we are. I found this place after Neko-kun- I mean Ryuuzaki - introduced me to you guys. It's called "La Vie En Rose", after that song. It's a pretty nice bakery, but they better have those macaroons…" Ren drifted off.

Light raised his eyebrows, "'Neko-kun'?"

Ren clasped her hands to her mouth to smother the fit of giggles threatening to force its way out of her throat. The battle was lost and soon she was clutching her stomach and scaring Light Yagami to death. She gasped for breath, still holding her side for support. He waited for her recovery impatiently.

"Ryuuzaki -Hehe- Well, I – hehehe! - He just looks like a cat sometimes! For some reason I can imagine him mewing," Ren reddened, "Well, um, you know. Heh."

Maybe she was insane.

The café was noisy and warm, the soft French music hovering in the background discreetly. They sat in one of the more cozy corners, unfortunately giving the impression that they were very much _together_ as they had to sit practically elbow to elbow. Light found this predicament to his advantage. After all, if he managed to get another girl to fall for him (and that girl being another member of the Investigation Team) his victory would be all the easier (and sweeter).

"So…" Ren put her chin in her palm and looked away from him, "Misa-Misa seems… _interesting_."

Light raised his eyebrows again before picking up a menu. He needed to buy himself some time and think of how to act with this girl. She wasn't like Yuri or Takada or Misa, she was a completely different ball game. She had an attitude, and she acted sarcastic and boyish (probably a feminist, he added). She wouldn't appreciate his usual act of the "sweet, humble, gentlemanly genius with a heart of gold". No, that definitely wouldn't get Ren to fall in love with him.

Light chuckled, "Yeah, well, she's certainly a character, and she can be kind of annoying sometimes."

"Mm, no kidding."

They sat in respective silence until one of the waitresses zipped over to them. She smiled and winked at them. Both Light and Ren raised an eyebrow in return.

"What can I get you two lovebirds?" she chirped sweetly.

Ren managed to turn her choke into a coughing fit. Light glared at her out of the corner of his eye before smiling at the waitress.

"Oh, I'll have a black coffee and she'll have a chai tea."

Ren looked at him incredulously. He did _not_ just order for her.

"And then _he'll_ have an order of the double chocolate cheesecake with chocolate frosting for later," Ren added quickly, sickeningly sweet smile plastered to her face. Now it was Light's turn to look at her in disbelief.

The waitress giggled, "Anything else? No? You guys are just so cute! I'll bring two forks with that cake!"

Ren rolled her eyes and muttered something unintelligible the moment the waitress flounced away. Light raised his eyebrows.

"What? Don't feel that way about me yet?"

"What do you mean by 'yet'?" Ren raised an eyebrow.

"Well you _were_ the one that asked _me_ to go on a date with you."

"This isn't a date!"

"Well, what is it?"

"We _work_ together. I'm sorry if I'm not going to fall head over heels for you like everyone else," she quipped coolly before adding, "Besides; you have a girlfriend, don't you? Misa? Oh, wait, she's just a _friend_. Who are you with now? Miss To-Oh? No? Who's the new girl, _Light-kun_?"

Light sighed. This wasn't working very well. _She must be some kind of feminist person… thing…_ He kind of got under her skin with the 'date' comment, but that wasn't what he wanted. He needed information, he needed L's real name, and he needed an ally in the Investigation Team. He heard Ren's opinions of Kira before and he was sure that if he pressed her enough, she could be easily swayed to his side. He just had to get her to fall in love with him!

He chuckled, "Takada was just a friend, and then Misa got jealous and started saying stuff like: we were a couple and that we've known each other forever. It's not true. It's not my fault she got jealous."

"Life seems real hard for Yagami Light, huh?"

Light grinned; he got her just where he wanted her.

"Not really."

Now she turned to him, eyebrow raised and a shadow of a smirk on her face. She seemed genuinely surprised.

"No?"

"Nope. I've been pretty spoiled all my life. Good looks, good grades, lots of friends, lots of girls. My family adores me and boasts about me to their friends. And my dad thinks I'm a good little kid who'll join the police force and protect the world from _evil_."

"Yeah, that's kind of the impression you give," she snorted.

Surprisingly, Light actually enjoyed himself on this so-called "date". Ren wasn't very intelligent (he suspected as much) but she managed to do a fairly convincing job of being witty. She seemed to counter any comment he had with snide cynicism. He had to catch himself before he started genuinely laughing. He was having fun. And that thought (almost) scared Light Yagami, the future God of the universe.

The waitress brought the chocolate cheesecake to them, the pair of forks clinking together merrily. The waitress winked at them again before scooting away. They both stared at the sickeningly sugary confection in silence. _That bitch…_ The waitress must have added the heart sprinkles at the last moment.

Light sighed, "I didn't even want it anyway."

"Ryuuzaki might like it," Ren grinned.

"We could say it was from Watari, or Aizawa," Light said thoughtfully.

She laughed. Light chuckled as well, taking one of the heart sprinkles and crushing it between his fingers.

"Speaking of Ryuuzaki, do you really think he's L?" Light asked in (what he hoped was) a casual tone.

"Hmm, well he fits the profile."

"Of what?"

"A genius," Ren's eyes seemed to twinkle, "He's eclectic. He's messy with no social skills. He gives off the impression of a mad genius. Look at the way he holds things; it's like everything he touches is fragile. He's an insomniac, which means his mind keeps going although his body can't keep up. And if he is L, then the only thing that keeps him alive is the solution to a mystery, the answer to all the puzzles! He needs to know _who_ Kira is, or else his life is meaningless. It's amazing. You can't tell what a brilliant mind he has just by looking at him."

Light nodded, "It'll be interesting to see who comes out on top: Kira or L?"

"It'll probably be a very close call."

"Oh man, I forgot my wallet. I'm sorry, Ren, I guess I've been so wrapped up in the investigation I must have forgot," Light smiled sheepishly. Ren's eyebrows raised and she began to get up.

"Are you sure you checked all your pockets? Let me see…" she was already walking to him, hands reached out.

Light had a small moment of panic. If she _were_ to search his pockets, she could come across the piece of paper from the Death Note, and then she would see the gigantic Shinigami floating behind him. His cover would be completely blown and then he would _have _to kill her. Besides, some girl searching him was just plain creepy.

Ryuk chuckled behind him.

"I already checked! I'm sorry, Ren," he said quickly, twitching a little when Ryuk laughed louder. Even Ren seeing Ryuk wasn't the worst scenario, if that obsessive model was here and she saw Ren touching him, the stupid girl would be as good as dead. Then all the suspicion would be targeted at him. Again.

Ren retreated. She grinned wryly as she began to rummage through her bag, "Alright then!"

She suddenly froze in the middle of her search for her own wallet. Light felt his heart skip a beat, maybe she had realized already? Maybe she had realized that he just wanted to get her wallet and that he was using this 'date' as an excuse to investigate her. But then again, it was pretty clear she was planning to do the same thing from the very beginning.

She and L seemed to get along better than he assumed they would, and that was also troublesome. Ren wasn't nearly as smart as L, she wasn't particularly intelligent period. But if L was leaking his suspicions to her, she could use her conceptualization skills to connect the dots. And then it would only be a matter of time before he would be found out. This wasn't good.

"Oh shit!" Ren looked at him with wide eyes.

"What is it?" Maybe he shouldn't have said that so fast…  
"Talk about spacing out. I completely forgot that L- I mean Ryuuzaki wanted me to go over the Kira tapes again! Ugh, I'm such an idiot!" she began to throw everything back into her bag.

Light withheld a relieved sigh. He was safe, for now. And L must have revealed himself to Ren by now… either that, or she had figured it out on her own. Maybe he should have given her more credit. Maybe Ren was a lot more than what met the eye.

"Ugh, sorry, I guess I got to go then!" Ren jumped out of her seat and all but ran for the door.

"Uh, see you later?" Light called after her. She stopped at the door and wheeled around. She ran hurriedly back to where he sat, planted a quick kiss on his cheek before grinning.

"You're a nice date, Light. We should do it again sometime."

He watched her leave with wide eyes. He was utterly blind-sided; it was just out of nowhere! Yeah, so he had experience with kissing and stuff before, but… ! He scowled. She was a distraction. Light cursed to himself under his breath. He gripped the check until his knuckles were white. The stupid kiss to top it all off! That must have been the worst thing to happen so far…

Then he remembered he didn't have his wallet with him. Ren left before she could pay. There was still the check. He didn't have any money…

Whoever Ren was, she was going to die.


End file.
